


A Jump or a Fall

by ChibiPanda



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Fear, Friendship, Unhelpful Friends, bungee jumping, minor warning check note, unhelpful imagination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-14 17:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18952285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiPanda/pseuds/ChibiPanda
Summary: 'He found his voice as his body pitched onward; a scream. A sound similar to a wounded frightened animal. Fearful and terrified. The wind whipped around, forcing tears, saliva, and snot off his face, burning and taunting. The strap around him pulled tight and Jisung’s body snapped upward again, knocking the fight out of him. Still screaming and sobbing, he was finally forced to relax and the rigid muscles relented; collapsing in on himself.'Thankfully, Woojin knows exactly how to handle the situation. Even if Jisung can barely stomach it.





	A Jump or a Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Minor Warning: Jisung has a moment where he imagines Chan jumping without the safety harness. Obviously, that isn't what happens - but Ji has a dangerous imagination.
> 
> Enjoy!

When Chan first tossed out the idea of the group going on a bungee jumping adventure, it received mixed reviews; six loved it, Minho was hesitant but determined, and Jisung thought he might just die by even thinking about jumping. He could feel the wind lash out against his body, he could feel the harness tightly secured to his chest, he could even see the ground too far below him.

The thought made Jisung feel as though he could pass out then and there.

Chan’s excited voice pierced through Jisung’s sudden unjustified terror, “Really? Sweet! Yeah, I may have already asked management if we could do it,” he ran a hand across the back of his neck bashfully, “I don’t know when,” he paused again clapping Minho on the back and kindly squeezing the dancer’s shoulder, “but when we get to, you can always watch. I’m not going to force you, force anyone.”

Jisung’s insides tightened – that out was directed towards Minho...Chan already expected the others to all agree – to all jump.

“No… I want to Hyung,” Minho said sounding somehow less anxious than Jisung felt, “I want to prove that I can do it.”

“It will be such a great memory!” Jeongin shouted, body vibrating with excitement already, “all nine of us!”

“It really will,” Chan sounded wishful and Jisung felt extremely nausea.

The smart thing would have been to speak up then. To interrupt the excited chatter and joyful moment. To just say that he was a bit afraid, that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to jump, that he really didn’t want to. That would have been the smart thing.

Instead, Jisung remained quiet and listened.

Chan was obviously ecstatic, completely thrilled that ‘everyone’ was interested. Woojin was also very into the idea. He already had his phone out, looking up the famous places their seniors had jumped from.

Seungmin and Jeongin seemed equally excited about the prospect. As did Felix, though the younger Aussie kept playing with the collar of his shirt. A thing Jisung recognized as an anxious tick.

Hyunjin seemed less than thrilled about the whole thing, though he also didn’t show signs of being strongly against the idea either.

Which left Minho, who true to his word looked more determined than scared.

Breaking the spell Chan had cast wouldn’t have been very fair; not when they all clearly liked the idea. So Jisung forced himself to remain silent with his protest.

The silent part wasn’t the best idea. Without voicing his fears, Jisung found himself almost constantly thinking about the future jump; when they waited, when he tried to sleep, when he showered. The lead up to the actual day was torture. He had even started to wonder if the real jump was going to be easier than the anticipation of the event.

But he was wrong – oh so, so wrong.

The company had rented a single van so that all nine could be transported together. They agreed to film it, but also decided that they weren’t going to share everything – if they shared any of it. This was a trip for them. It was supposed to be a team building, relaxing trip. Even Minho seemed thrilled to be in the van that morning.

Jisung, however, wasn’t so lucky. He’d been wired since their alarm blared. So wired in fact, you’d of thought someone used a taser to get the young producer out of bed. His heart started pounding seconds before opening his eyes, and it had yet to slow. He had barely been able to keep his breathing level since getting dressed, he hadn’t been able to eat breakfast, and now his leg was tapping a million times a minute – he had to hold his breath for ten or fifteen seconds at a time to prevent himself from hyperventilating – and his nails already had created crescent indentations etched into his palms.

“Scared already Jisung?” Changbin teased loudly from the front, “We aren’t even out of the van yet you baby!”

“I’m not,” except his voice cracked, demolishing whatever chance he had at defending himself.

Seungmin’s bright laughter filled the small space – each punctuated pulse lodged somewhere in Jisung’s head, “You’re such a baby, Ji. It’s just a little jump. I’m sure they’ll push you if you want.” the last part was added with a speck of intention and Jisung had to fight himself to remain calm again.

“If they won’t, one of us will do it for you for sure, Sung,” Minho joked, clearly as nervous as he was determined.

Even recognizing that, Jisung felt completely betrayed by the jibe and forced his eyes to roll in an attempt to hide the gathering moisture along its edges, “no way any of you are allowed near me up there.” he managed to keep the shake out of it.

“You’ll be a flying squirrel,” Chan chimed in kindly, “It must be destiny!”

“Flying?” Changbin snorted as the van pulled to a stop in the shadow at the structure, “More like a falling squirrel Hyung.”

Laughter replaced the sound of the engine and Jisung bit the inside of his cheek painfully.

The attendant met them as they exited the van and led them to the small square classroom near the elevator.

Jisung tried to focus on everything the workers said, on all the safety features, on all the procedures, but the pounding in his ears was nearly deafening.

Far too quickly they were escorted to the tall elevator.

“Ji?”

He almost jumped, frantic, but recovered, “Yeah ‘lix?”

“You’re gonna be alright. I promise, okay?” Felix quietly ran his hand up and down Jisung’s arm. “It’s safe.”

Jisung tried to look reassured but was sure no one would have been fooled – least of all Felix. “Uh huh.” he hummed. Feeling slightly better when Felix latched onto his shaking hand, “I, uh, I’m not sure I can do this ‘lixie,” Jisung admitted near silently, equally terrified of jumping and having the others hear him.

“Here we go!” Chan shouted as the machine slowly crept to the top, hand squeezing Minho’s shoulder supportively.

“I’m nervous!” Hyunjin admitted through a tight smile.

“Me too!” Jeongin sounded more excited than scared.

“Yeah…”

“You’ll be alright Minho,” Woojin chimed in, “We’re all here too.”

“You got this!” Changbin added walking the short distance to the door, “This is gonna be great.”

“I’m just waiting for Sung to crack again,” Seungmin sang, not unkindly, but with a playful bite.

“He’ll hold it together until we shove him off,” Changbin added as the doors open.

The wind was the first thing that attacked Jisung, blasting into the small elevator as the doors opened, making his eyes water and sucking what little breath he had out of his lungs.

“I call seniority and will go first!” Woojin easily walked onto the platform.

“I’m next!” Felix called dibs, hands still wrapped around Jisung’s own for another few seconds, until the slightly older boy refused to follow the Aussie outside.

No one else called out claiming their order, it was clear to Jisung that Chan desperately wanted to go but wasn’t going to until Minho had. It was also clear that the others, though still excited, were a bit more fearful now that they weren’t on the ground.

“Come on scaredy squirrel!” Seungmin appeared again, shoving Jisung towards the door. In front of them, Woojin and Felix were already wearing protective gear, Woojin now getting latched in. “I think you’re going third~”

Jisung tried to protest but seeing Woojin standing so close to the edge killed whatever voice he had.

Suddenly everyone was counting down, Woojin was smiling, voices loud.

“Stray Kids are forever!” And he jumped.

If he hadn’t been terrified of falling, Jisung would have been on his knees. Woojin was safe, he’d jumped willingly, jumped wearing all the gear he needed to keep him that way – but Jisung just saw a close friend plunge over the edge.

It hurt, a pain equal to his fear. He didn’t want to jump and he didn’t want to watch all of his brothers jump either. He couldn’t…

Most of the boys rushed carefully to the edge and watch Woojin’s fall. Cheers and screams.

Jisung could feel his body shake as the worker started strapping Felix in a few minutes later. Felix, who had been – always been – such a great friend. Jisung didn’t want to watch Felix fall, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

_‘What if this was the last time I saw him,’_ flashed through his head, irrational, unfounded, but so real and so painful.

They were counting down again and Jisung held his breath causing his lungs to burn.

“SKz and Stays forever – I love you guys!” Felix shouted in English, jumping out from the platform and disappearing from Jisung’s sight, high pitched squeals of delight drifted up in his wake.

“Who’s next?” the attendant asked.

“The squirrel!” Seungmin again offered as he pulled Jisung, “Best to get it over with Sung.” there was an undertone of kindness – which was missed entirely.

“I don’t…” Jisung’s voice shook and the tears started to fall over, but he couldn’t protest. He was physically unable to and Seungmin took it as acceptance, further pulling Jisung along.

“Yeah! Sungie flies next,” Changbin sang, “The sooner he’s down the less he’ll cry.” he grabbed Jisung’s shoulder, squeezed, and positioned him on the platform.

He couldn’t find his voice, no matter how hard Jisung tried to; he couldn’t.

Changbin’s and Seungmin’s hands were off him, both laughing and unbothered, clearly unable to see how real Jisung’s fear was; how genuine.

Jeongin was snickering, “You’re such a cry baby Hyung.”

Hyunjin shifted uncomfortably and Minho was a statue, unmoving and not looking.

Chan was busy. His leader knew – assumed – Minho would struggle the most and so Chan was giving everything to make sure Minho was being supported. Blind to Jisung’s terror.

“Your tears are gonna reach the water before you ever jump, Ji. you should wait until you start to fall to cry and see if you beat them down.” Changbin heckled backing further away.

The safety harness was fastened before Jisung could manage to formulate any words, his heartbeat was loud and irregular – so much so, he could barely hear their taunts – he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move, and could barely see.

The first sob, soundless though it was, erupted as his toes reached the edge. Below – far below – the water glistened in the sun and the two small forms of Woojin and Felix were seen just off to the side.

“He’s gonna cry the whole way down…” the waiver in Hyunjin’s voice was missed by Jisung.

“Hey, you’ll be alright, Ji.” Chan’s concern was lost as well.

But the sudden chanting, the chanting was not.

Jisung was petrified, he wanted to crumble. To collapse in a tight ball and sob. But that would mean falling.

“I’m going to give you a hand. Alright? Just a gentle push.”

A second later his members reached ‘one’ and a hand on Jisung’s back pushed him forward.

He found his voice as his body pitched onward; a scream. A sound similar to a wounded frightened animal. Fearful and terrified. The wind whipped around, forcing tears, saliva, and snot off his face, burning and taunting. The strap around him pulled tight and Jisung’s body snapped upward again, knocking the fight out of him. Still screaming and sobbing, he was finally forced to relax and the rigid muscles relented; collapsing in on himself.

His lungs and eyes burned, he couldn’t hear, he couldn’t feel, he couldn’t focus, he wasn’t even sure where he was.

“Shh, hey...hey Sungie. You’re alright. You’re on the ground.”

He was on his knees, Jisung realized, on his knees on the ground.

“Deep breaths Sung. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

“Is he gonna be alright?”

“Yeah, he’ll be okay ‘lix,” Woojin spoke softly, comfortingly. “Right Ji? You’re stronger than a little fall.”

Woojin was holding him tight, cradling him, wrapped around him. And he sobbed again, gripping onto the oldest’s shirt.

“You alright Sungie?” Felix questioned again, his warm hands trying to grab ahold of Jisung’s tightly clenched ones.

“It’s okay Sung,” Woojin’s voice rumbled in Jisung’s ear, “You never have to do that again. You’ll never have to do that again.” he rocked slowly, never loosening his hold, “That’s it. Just calm down. It’s over.”

“He’s still crying?” a new voice questioned from somewhere.

Jisung felt Woojin shift and Felix stiffen, but nothing more was said; by them or Changbin who’d spoken.

His eyes still burned and his body hurt, but Jisung felt secure in Woojin’s grasp. The cheers from the platform reached him, more counting, more screams of admiration. The adrenaline slowly subsided and with it, exhaustion seeped in.

“There you go Sung,” Woojin whispered again, “Think you can stand? Minho’s jumping next.”

Jisung nodded against the eldest’s chest and pulled away marginally, still unsure whether he wanted to watch or not. And allowed himself to be helped up. Thankfully, his legs held his weight – though he refused to leave Woojin’s grasp.

Changbin, Seungmin, and Jeongin had all joined them on the ground. The youngest seemed unaware of Jisung’s issues, but both Changbin and Seungmin continued to glance over, concerned.

Hesitantly, Jisung tilted his head upward, catching sight of Minho on the platform’s edge.

“He’s fine Ji,” Felix suddenly whispered, he hadn’t released his hole either.

Woojin rocked slightly at Felix’s words, “All strapped in.”

“I don’t want to watch him fall,” Jisung managed to mumble. His voice harsh and thick from his previous tears. “I can’t.” it cracked just loud enough to catch the attention of Seungmin – who briefly glanced back again concerned.

“Then don’t Sungie,” Woojin simply responded, “I’ll tell you when he’s with us, alright?”

Jisung closed his eyes again and ducked his head. In some ways not looking was worse – it left everything up to his overly creative head. But Minho jumped quietly and Jisung didn’t watch his friend plummet down.

“Okay Sung. He’s getting unharnessed now,” Woojin gave another squeeze as he spoke and Jisung could hear the others congratulating Minho.

Minho’s hair was tousled and his face was a smattering of pale and rosy, but he was smiling in accomplishment.

Steeling himself, Jisung smiled proudly towards his friend. Minho was certainly braver than he was – more determined too, come to think of it. Not a chicken or a cry baby at any rate. Jisung sent a thumbs up instead of speaking.

Thankfully Minho’s elation at his personal triumph meant he didn’t notice how far gone Jisung remained.

“Good job Minho,” Woojin called out calmly, his arms never leaving the youngest member of 3racha.

“Thanks!” The dancer sounded breathless but happy, “I never thought I’d be able to do that, but it was so much fun!” his legs shook slightly, but Minho moved to the others and looked up, “Hyunjin’s next. And Chan was already asking if he could go twice.”

“Course he would,” Changbin snorted, “Here comes Hyunjin.”

Jisung quickly hid again, hearing Hyunjin call something but not catching the words at all.

“Don’t worry JiJi, we’re almost done,” Felix again. God Jisung loved him, “just our fearless leader. I’ll see if we can get ice cream after.”

“If Chan says no, I’ll get you two some,” Woojin casually spoke, “Hyunjin’s down Sung.”

And so he was. Hyunjin was far more rattled than the others had been, though his face was dry of tears and he seemed to zero in on Jisung.

Hyujin high fived the others as he passed, but stopped near Woojin rather than waiting on the observation platform, “You okay Jisung?”

“He’s getting there,” Woojin answered when Jisung couldn’t, “Once we’re on our way home he’ll be good. Right Sung.”

Jisung was able to nod to that but flinched when the others started Chan’s countdown. Chan was the worst, he decided at that moment. They shared too much, been friends too long, and the irrational side of Jisung’s mind could feel the pain as if Chan was plunging to his death instead of bouncing on an elastic wire.

Jisung could see it all. Chan, frustrated, disheartened, upset, depressed, tossing himself off of some horrifically high building. Jisung could see himself desperately trying to apologize to the older’s parents for being such an awful friend. Probably sobbing in broken English, frantic for forgiveness or understanding.

“Jisung. He’s fine,” there was Woojin again, “he’s getting unhooked now. Everything’s fine. I promise.”

Releasing a shaky breath, Jisung nodded again, glad for Woojin. “I know…” though it didn’t sound like he did.

Cheers and hollers greeted Chan, who shouted “what a blast,” in English the second his feet touched solid ground again. “Everyone did so well.”

Jisung felt a sudden spike of utter desperation to live up to that statement, and another spike of shame for his childish actions. Everyone else was fine, happy. Everyone else had been unbothered and moved on with ease. And then here was Jisung – inconsolable, devastated, terrified, and so lost over something as mundane as a jump.  

“Hey Ji,” everyone was watching now, he noticed. Watching as Chan spoke, “You alright if I go once more?”

He wanted to say no, but the swell of embarrassment prevented it, “Ye-” Jisung paused swallowing down the crack, “Yeah, up to you Hyung.” he tried to keep it level and nonchalant, “Can I – can I wait in the van though?”

Something flashed across Chan’s face that was unrecognizable, “Yeah. That’s fine Sung. Hey Woojin, can you go with him? Get him some water, or something?”

“On it.” the oldest said with a smile, sounding relaxed and unbothered by the request.

“I’ll go too. Have fun Hyung,” Felix added.

“And me!” Hyunjin chimed in too and Jisung watched Chan relax greatly.

He was clearly worried by how badly Jisung reacted. And knowing Woojin and the others were going with Jisung eased Chan’s worry some.

“Good,” Chan ran his hand through Jisung’s hair and smiled warmly, “good.” he repeated and jogged off back to the elevator shouting, “We’re stronger together!” as the doors closed.  

Woojin tuned then, effectively turning Jisung too, “Okay to the van.”

“To the van,” Hyunjin mimicked leading the way, “I’m tired,” he flashed a look back at Jisung, “Aren’t you Sung? Hungry too, I bet.”

Tired he was, hungry he was not. But Jisung certainly appreciated the effort, “I’m certainly tired.”

“Then you can nap in there with me JiJi,” Felix added, quick to catch up to them.

The air in the van was hot and stale, but it was better than being outside below the massive structure. Jisung was surprised at how much his body struggled to climb into the vehicle once he finally pulled away from Woojin. It was as though he had no strength; his muscles shook so violently. The sound of the others counting down again in the distance wasn’t helping either.

“Up you come,” Hyunjin easily looped around Jisung’s upper body and drew him fully into the van.

Woojin and Felix followed quickly.

The eldest effortlessly pulled Jisung into his arms again, “Hey ‘lix, can you grab one of the water bottles? I imagine the frozen ones have melted quite a bit by now.”

“I got some snacks in my bag too, you hungry Ji?” Hyunjin asked, already reaching for his bag, “I know you didn’t eat anything for breakfast.”

Being away from the watching platform was already enough to drain Jisung of his remaining anxiety and Woojin’s warm secure hands were lulling him to sleep. He managed to drink water when offered and get down a couple of bites of the energy bar before Felix pulled it from his hands.

“You’ll choke,” the Aussie muttered quietly.

Jisung was mostly asleep when the others returned to the van, catching pieces of the conversation but not awake enough to reply to anything.

“Thanks for going with him,” Chan whispered close to Jisung, “Did he drink something? Good, good...shit I should have noticed.” he sighed.

“You were focused on me,” Minho lamented from the back.

Seungmin gave an uncomfortable noise and Changbin said something after, but Jisung was out by then.

*~*~*~*~*

When Jisung woke up, he’d been moved into the dorms and was bundled up on their couch. Both Chan and Woojin were sitting on the floor working on something. The rest of the dorms seemed quiet, but the sun was still high outside, so he hadn’t been out for that long.

He blinked a few times, trying to decide exactly what to do in this situation. The whole experience was supposed to be fun – a challenge they’d overcome together – and he’d dented that some. Sure they’d all ‘jumped,’ but his meltdown must've caused problems.

“Did you have fun Channie-hyung?” He questioned as he sat up, glad for the clear and level voice.

Both boys turned around, “Yeah. I did. I’d always wanted to bungee – though I wish you’d said you didn’t. You never had to Sungie…”

Jisung shook his head, hoping to erase the guilt he heard, “I did have to. I’m sorry I had a meltdown though.” retrospect seemed to highlight how ridiculous his reaction had been. Basically, an adult sobbing like an infant because of an elastic band and a little fall. He laughed lightly.

Chan frowned, but nodded slowly, “If you say so… still, next time tell me. Alright? I don’t like the idea of peer pressuring you into something Jisung.”

Woojin cut off the younger’s protests before they started, “You feeling better?”

Heat rose from his core to his chest and face, “Yes.”

Chan stretched chuckling, “I’m hungry. Chicken?” he didn’t wait for an answer and quickly left for the kitchen.

“You sure you’re alright Ji?” Woojin asked again, turning to face Jisung more fully, “Between us.”

There was a beat of silence and Jisung squirmed feeling far too vulnerable, “I guess… I really didn’t want to even go.”

“I know you didn’t.”

“But I didn’t expect to utterly lose it either Hyung,” Jisung sighed and flopped back onto the couch, “I didn’t think I’d even cry at all. I figured I’d just have a heart attack,” he tried to force humor into his words, but Woojin didn’t seem to but it. “I’m sorry I spoiled it.”

“You didn’t,” Woojin shifted again, straightening his legs. “I don’t like seeing people upset. Especially not people I care about. I’m just glad I was there to help.”

“Are you okay Ji?” Felix’s voice interrupted the moment, head popping up from around the corner, “Oh, uh, sorry…. Am I interrupting?” he shifted awkwardly, freckles even more noticeable after a day of sun.  

Laughing more freely, Jisung sprung from the couch and pulled Felix tightly against him, “Yeah. I’m fine ‘lixie!” he spun them around and mouthed _‘thank you Woojinie-hyung’_ to the elder before pulling the Aussie with him toward the kitchen.    

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> Sorry it took so long...the last few weeks (and next few) are really busy. I am also still working on another entry to the Sugar AU, but it's slow. I need to research a bit so that way I'm not spewing false things >_< please wait!!! <3 <3 <3 Have a great weekend!!


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